How Resistance Helps Us Heal

I have been wanting to write about resistance for some time. It has been on my “List of things to write about” in my iphone Notes app since 2022, and I have other notes with whispers of knowings that go back to 2019. It’s a biggie for me, and I know I need to approach it with reverence.

How do I know that? Emotion.

Because the first thing I feel, to be honest, is rage. And tenderness.

So let me be clear. I am not enraged at resistance.

I am enraged about how some branches of therapy have historically used the concept. I am enraged at how it has been weaponized.

I have heard stories about clients having “treatment-resistant depression,” as if that client is unhelpable.  I have heard therapists talk about their clients as being “resistant to helping themselves,” as if that client is choosing to be difficult.

Historically we have used the word resistance to indicate a problem.

This bothers me right down to my bones. I have a visceral reaction to it. My stomach squeezes and I want to throw up.

Who are we to label somebody else’s experience as a problem?

Resistance is not a problem. It is part of the wisdom inherent in the human experience. Resistance is protective.

How do I know this? My body taught me.

When I herniated discs in my lower back in 2019, I was in excruciating pain all the time. Sitting, standing, walking, lying down; all of it hurt, and none of it I could do for long. I had to continue to alternate positionality with my body to get any relief, which was exhausting for my body. I could not sleep because of the pain. I had lost all sense of stability in my spine and in my core. It felt like there was nothing holding me together.

One day I realized that pushing against something brought me stability. If my legs had something to push against, I felt more stable at my centre. I wrapped an exercise band around my thighs while I was sitting and it relieved my pain. Curious, I put the resistance on my Peleton bike pedals up high, and that allowed me to have enough strength in my centre to stay seated on the bike, and circle the pedals slowly without feeling like I would fall.

I remember that day on my Peloton bike (aka one of my therapists), asking myself, What is it about resistance that is supportive?

Allowing myself to be curious that day has led to a lot of reflection, a lot of emotion, and a lot of understanding.

Resistance provides stability when a system (a body, a psyche, an idea) is not yet fully stabilized on its own. 

When I injured my spine, stability was not available to me. Resistance gave me something to push against; it provided containment, it provided stability, and it provided integrity.

And in doing all of that for me, resistance pushed me towards myself, towards the wound, which was physical and emotional, and towards greater understanding of what I needed and what was missing.

We may not realize it, but when we are resisting against something (an object, a situation, a place, an emotion, a thought) we are staying in relationship to it. Human survival systems don’t actually like to waste energy, so if we are staying in relationship to something, it must matter for some reason. We must need it. Why do we need to continue to push against something rather than let it move past or through us? 

Resistance can provide containment, maybe at a time when we cannot contain ourselves, when we cannot create a boundary for ourselves.

Resistance can provide a sense of stability where other sources of stability may be lacking.

Resistance can invite us to pay attention.

Resistance is required for growth. Roots push down into the earth so the plant can grow. Baby humans are contained in a womb, pushing against it as they grow.

The thing about resistance is that we can often see what we are pushing against, but we can’t see what we are pushing towards. That’s where the magic is. That’s where the journey begins. But if we are too busy shaming the resistance and labelling it as problematic, we won’t be able to see what it’s actually doing for us, how it’s helping us. Resistance is wisdom. You don’t have to override it, you don’t have to overcome it.

I am not enraged at resistance. I have developed a deep respect for resistance. Resistance helped me find my stability. It kept me on the right path, the path that is MINE.

It’s time for mental health care to stop interpreting resistance as a problem. I want to invite us all to hold resistance as protective, rooted in a natural intelligence that is part of our body’s (which includes our psyche’s) healing process.

My invitation to anyone seeking support on your journey: Don’t let anyone else label your experience. Don’t let anyone call you or your experience “resistant” as if it is a problem. Demand that they get curious with you, about how your resistance to something may be helping you to find more stability, and more containment within, so that you can see what you are pushing towards.